As most farmers/ranchers know, we are super busy folks, caring for many. Its a different life than when we lived in the city. I never go to the salon, never shop unless its to the grocery store or feed store. My concern from the moment I open my eyes to close my eyes, is the care of my young ones...my animals and kiddos. My journey has been one of faith. From the time I was introduced to this land, to today. I have walked trying to let God lead, more often than not, me doing the lead. This week was a week of emotions, raw, emotions, high and low. I had to intentionally determine how I was going to handle this week, and I know that with my intentional walk to get closer to God, I am being attacked with a vengeance. Never have we had the heartache that set on us this week. Here is what happened in short. One day I moved my stallions to a different paddock with shade trees, being so hot here. Shortly after a quick unexpected storm came, with serious lightening. I was concerned about the trees and lightening. I considered moving him back. I said, "Lord they are yours, protect them." The storm came with a vengeance, like a sheer tornado. All we could do was seek shelter, and it was over in 15 minutes. After the storm left, we went out to check on the animals, that is when a bolt of lightening hit, for us to see, and literally blinding us, right where my new stallion usually stands. If he had stayed there, he would surely be dead! I literally fell to my knees in grateful thanks. I was so grateful by the hand of God that he lived. The next day, our stud colt developed a fever and hives. We called the vet, she said to give a Banamine shot. We inquired about the risk of banamine shot (couldn't remember if it was Bute or Banamine that gives risk of Clostridial infection). We were told, " It was Bute. We gave a Banamine shot..YES!..and that threw us into the worst 48 hours of watching a horse die a horrific death of Clostridial infection. It was Banamine, not Bute that causes the clostridial infections! I felt guilt and anger and such deep heartache because it was so unavoidable. No-one could imagine how we even considered it and not double check, (I ALWAYS DOUBLE CHECK!) but because we trusted the source, we gave it. It took me 4 days of immense pain to process the loss. He was my stud colt from my stallion I lost 2 years ago, so that compounded my loss. I cried when I drove, I cried when I layed in bed, no sleep to be found. I watched my oldest daughter cry because she had questioned me, and I told her what the vet said, she didn't check either. SHE ALWAYS DOUBLE CHECKS! The way this played out did not make sense. I couldn't believe that my hand killed him, yet due to trusting someone. I relived the horror over and over. I was so broken. I did not want to be angry with vet, she had always been so good to us for 5 years. Instead I turned to God to remove the pain. On day 4, God granted me a peace that I couldn't understand. The loss was there, but I had peace in my heart, np raw pain, no anger. The peace is greatly welcomed as I have children to console too. As I reflect on God and all that happened this week. I saw that by God's hand alone, he saved my stallion. I also saw that by my hand , I killed my beloved stud colt. Isn't this how it is in our life. God can lead, protect, deliver, and bless us beyond our wildest imagination. We can derail ourselves from what God wants and easily destroy all that without even knowing it or meaning to. I know God is a good God who can restore and give second chances. I am grateful for his peace this morning and trust that life is best with him in charge. Today when I feel the sadness set in with the loss, it reminds me that it is best to hang onto God and let him lead, you just don't know what you are missing in your life when you don't. You can easily get distracted, get busy, and get in trouble. I will breed for another colt, and will continue to care more diligently for the animals, but I will be hanging onto my God for his lead as he has shown me how well he does it compared to me.